I put myself on timeout. The one that toddlers experience when things aren’t going their way and the overwhelm they feel leads to others’ irritation. I took myself out of the whirlwind and sat on the side of my life hoping to gather my thoughts and composure.
Now, I am calling a time out. Blowing the whistle, because sitting by myself sucked and was seemingly the worst thing I could do. Drowning in my thoughts, grasping for accomplishments in the height of failure, and crawling through guilt and shame when my goal is to walk again. That time out thing we assign our youth didn’t work, forced isolation didn’t give me the spark I expected. It may not do that for youth either but that’s a different blog altogether. So, now a huddle with a moment from our sponsors love and joy to talk about coming back from hurt.
We have all experienced hurt. The kind that makes us want to step back from life or even disappear. So much so that many of us are trudging through life in pain with smiles on our faces. People have hurt us. Situations have stripped us bare. Experiences have left us empty as we try to pour into others using the remaining vapors of our existence.
People who look like us have hurt us. Things have happened that seemed unfair. We have been hurt quickly, pointedly, and deeply and sometimes with no one person assigned the harm. As such there are millions of people living their lives and interacting with others while healing.
This blog isn’t one of cliches. It isn’t one of pretty answers or pre packaged steps. It is acknowledging hurt. It’s a reminder that your hurt may look similar to that of someone sitting next to you. It may sound like one you heard before on a talk show. It was offered to me that I am not the only one and I too can simply push and win, like so many in my same situation. I say it is different and I call bullshit.
Our hurt is ours alone. There are things that have hurt others that would never hurt you. And things that hurt you that couldn’t draw sympathy from another soul if tried. Many hurts are met with “that’s life.” Allow me to translate that for you, “that sounds hard, I have seen hard too, no one empathized with me and I figured it out. You can too.” This is not because no one cares. It is because we often do not know how to deal and that shows up by not knowing what to say. When often there is absolutely nothing one could say to make it better.
What would making it better look like? Well if you are reading this I ask that you join me for a deep breath. I ask you to fill your lungs and then release slowly, paying attention to all the breath that is leaving your body. I offer this because I find myself holding my breath. Clenching my jaw with my tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth with intensity that doesn’t allow proper breath. I find myself so engulfed in moments that I forget to breathe and to be grateful for breath.
A grateful person by nature, I find it sometimes hard to push hurt aside and simply be grateful. I have actually been very annoyed by those who remind me at those times “at least you didn’t die.” What I have learned though, is that being disappointed or heartbroken are sentiments that can exist with gratefulness. And all this can sit right beside joy and love. So, take another deeeeep breath.
Living, breathing in and out, while healing is something some people aren’t even aware they are doing. Think about a time you got a papercut and just kept going. Maybe cause it didn’t hurt that badly. Maybe cause you didn’t have time to stop and pay attention. The attention we give the healing process does not stop it or make it go away, it does however affect how it heals. Will it leave a scar? Will it keloid? Will it disappear and leave only a faint memory? Will it get infected and need to be reopened for another chance at healing? There are options all based on the attention given because we all have an innate desire to heal, so it’s going to happen regardless.
I used to be this is a test for your testimony type gal. I would take hurt with a smile because it was part of a great plan. The greater it hurt the greater the light at the end of the tunnel. The sharper the pain the more I knew I could bare. The harder the hit the heavier my head and the prettier my crown. I had it all, I could spit scripture, meditation guides, quotes, and I still can. I can tell you about hustle, explain how my plans have worked when they were worked and give you a soundtrack for it all. Also, I have found that has nothing to do with you and as much as I want you to make it I cannot dictate when, how, or if that will be true. I cannot even do that for myself!
This spring something hurt so bad it changed my vision. Literally changed what I see. The type of hurt where you remain still for a moment wondering if you are still alive. I am alive but I see the world completely different. And sometimes I only know I’m alive because someone calls my name. The sun shines different and I see through smiles. They say there are two types of pain in the world the type that hurts and the type that alters. The fragility of life is real and people are walking around with cracks and missing pieces giving us financial advice, teaching our children, running our hospitals, and making our policies. People are living their lives and contributing to ours while healing. Some of them have stubbed a toe, others have been altered so much they barely recognize themselves. circumstances should be recognized and regarded as hurt that could make a seemingly easy task feel impossible. Both individuals are worthy of healing and empathy.
As a person who walks into a room and can feel the atmosphere it’s heavier now. I can feel all this hurt and mixed with my own it’s heavier than it’s ever been. Walking into a room, I have always felt energy sometimes while it is empty. That energy is stronger now, it can be distracting and overpowering. That is simply my healing in motion. Yours may feel like that or it may feel like sour patch kids and epiphanies. It may feel empty, full, joyous, confusing, all of these and any you feel make complete sense.
I am currently taking it moment by moment. This time out is for you and me. No one feels like you feel. Your story is not like mine. But our hurt is real. I am using everything I have to love on others. I want them to know someone genuinely loves them. Sees them. Wants well for them. With every fiber of my being I want no one to hurt like this. And as my hurt has grown and my healing deepened so does my desire for your joy!
I don’t have any advice for you. I see your pain. I acknowledge your humanity. I am in awe of how excellent you are. You are so amazing and worthy. I feel your power and potential. I want well for you. And above all else, I love you deeply. If you ever need to be reminded of the reasons why you are so dope and so loved email firstname.lastname@example.org and get some uplifting.
What I have learned from all of this is that love and joy may be the sponsors but there is no benefactor in suffering. I have found isolated timeouts are lonely and unproductive. Healing is more powerful in supportive spaces. It may be intermittent visits, company that can sit in silence, dinner randomly with topics pulled from a hat, or simply talking it out after having some time to think. So, try sitting up. Try your best to put one in front of the other. Do not under any circumstances beat yourself up on bad days, they happen. One day, one moment at a time. Alright?!
Alright! Bring it in! Love and Joy on three...1-2-3...LOVE AND JOY!